Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

What does it mean when we dream about demons, ghosts, monsters, etc.?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

As an inmate did you have to live alongside a bully for your whole sentence?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

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When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have complete contempt for fakery

How would you respond to Rep. Nancy Mace's claim that the GOP platform is more in line with what the American people want compared to the left?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Why is the word "democracy" not in the preamble of the US Constitution?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t cotton to rapists

What's the most incredible coincidence that ever happened to you?

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

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I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

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I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I actually pay taxes

What is the kinkiest thing you and your sex partner have done in bed?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

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Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I see through liars

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy bullshit

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I can read

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I can count

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.